Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton

[m_oonmoon]

(As soon as I woke up, writing this entry is the first thing I'm doing. See how committed I am to this? I am having difficulties navigating dreamwidth, though. As a a hag, it is very difficult for me to learn new technology. My brain just refuses to understand anything, at least not with the same ease as 10 years ago. I can't seem to type down anything when I'm in the "post" page. I'm doing all this in quick update section of the homepage. My dedication to this challenge I've set up for myself is truly astounding me.)

I severely misjudge this book. As a resident scrooge and hater of romance, I thought this book was going to be romantic relationships. I frankly didn't want to be seen reading this in public (not that I ever go out just to hang out these days) because I have a street cred to uphold. I didn't even want to read this book in the first place but due to circumstances mentioned in the previous post (i.e wanting a fun and light read to get away from the miserable and dark life that I am living), I thought, "Why not?"

I am humbled to say that this might make it into my top 5 books of the year. (I only ever choose top 5 because I frankly don't read enough books to make a top 10 list. I am slow reader. I am a busy person. I do not have the brain capacity to make a top 10 list.)

This book is by no means about romantic relationships. Or at least not solely. Dolly's journey through the vicissitudes of romance eventually leads her to the profound realization that friendship is love. Friendship is perhaps love that runs deeper than romance and lust. The chapter Homecoming is basically a love letter to all her girl friends and it made me equal parts happy and so fucking sad. I have lost a lot this year. I don't think I have a single friendship left. It hurts to admit that the friendships I thought would last me a lifetime now runs so tepid. It hurts even more when there is not great or dramatic fall out. It was just a natural progression of life. I could blame myself for not reaching out more; for refusing to be vulnerable or being afraid of reaching out when I need it. Perhaps in my insistence to avoid being a nuisance, I've alienated my friends when what I want most is to be comforted. Reading about how much Dolly loves her friends and has managed to keep her relationship with them made me yearn for a time when I could also confidently express the same. I still love my friends but everything is different now. Tiny, imperceptible shifts have now compounded to something so huge that it is looming over my head: the realization that I have truly no one in this world. I hate to be dramatic but that is the theme of my this current period of tumultuousness of my life.

That aside, I couldn't quite relate with Dolly's experiences. I've never been a wild person. I've never had the desire to go out and party. I've never thought of a night out drinking as a fun or exciting activity. I've never been in a relationship much less have romantic exploits. I've always been mediocre. I've always lived a mundane life full of schoolwork and now, work. Has anyone similar to me (in the sense that I'm a boring bitch) ever written a memoir? I would love to see how someone can spin something out of the mundanity of this life I'm living.

The last parts about Dolly's fear and finally, acceptance of turning 30 made me feel scared but also somehow relieved? I'm 26 and I'm already worrying about getting older. I'm relieved that someone is telling me the worry is premature. I should wait until my 29th to start beating myself up about the inevitable procession of time. At the same time I'm scared because I understand what she was afraid of. I understand the fear of doors closing. I understand the fear of not achieving anything amazing anymore because everything you do at 30 is just normal shit that 30-year olds should be doing. Not that I think I will ever achieve anything remarkable even if you give me 20 years to live out my 20's. I firmly believe that I would still be the same sad sack. But the fact that even the possibility is permanently over is what's scary and depressing and frustrating.

I love this book best when it's not talking about boys and romance. Although I feel like a lot of the parts necessarily have to have romance and boys as preliminary to whatever it is she really wants to talk about. I think I want to revisit this book in the future. Maybe I'm a late bloomer. Maybe I'll start to understand her obsession with romantic love when I'm 30, who knows. But for all the other parts, I feel like I know her and I understand her.